why we gotta turn on each other
It was only a woman, why you gotta lose brother
Been through it all all we had was each other(Remember those times?)
Now you gotta do this motherfucker
But it's me
who has gotta choose his words carefully
Cuz I have ability to hurt people
And the agility to write rhymes
Create a torture facility go five nights
I am 5'9(Royce da 5'9)
You dont know
Half of the things I say
Half of the things I mean
only tag me mean, because you think
I did you wrong
Write absurd lyrics and put out a song,
And the song wasn't even to diss you,
But three other people who only miss you
When they think you
living it,
reeling it,
feeling lit
Killing it,
But I am
Dealing with,
sitting with
FOMO(Depression)
Throw a fit
Break a shit
Loneliness in session
The older you get the more you set
Your feelings free and the more you get
People mad
The more people hate
Your truth
You were better mute
You get better sued
You better shoot
Away these attitude
Or you get screwed(What?)
Maybe I am not as bad as you say
Maybe I just say what I say
Because the music is the only way
To vent out, get loud, scream shout
And honestly I never thought
These words would even reach out
But this time I want to be heard
To teach these backstabbers A lesson
Every fucking action got a consequence
Destroyed affection in your passion
Burnt reputation's every fraction
You and me in different faction
I don't care if you get hurt
I don't care if you get worked up
I wish you could look me in the eye
But you fucked up
Part 2 and you get mopped up
(You already know who you are)

Possibly the best lyrically I have written so far. Honestly, quite proud of this one. At this rate I think I'll be done releasing 50 raps within next month only. 

Lyrics:

I know you feelin down
You don't know how to come around
And these feelings seem to persist
Yu don't know how to break em down
But trust me man
You been through it all
Nothing can faze you now
Pick yourself up
Take a breath and maybe just move around
Dust on your face
Weak Knees
But Nothing can take you down
That look in your eyes
That smirk on your face
You know you back a soldier now
It was like a ton on my shoulders
For a while I felt 600 years older
But gosh I am atlas
The burden's off of my back
I am off o my shackles
I feels like lava's burning in me
I am fucking fire
I amma conquer the world
No I dont do satire
It's been too long   
since I have been playing victim
The world was free
I did nothing thought maybe I ticked him
He was made at me or somethin
Fuck you God, making me miserable
and You be happy jumping
Only to realize it was my own fuckin problem
Chose to see the dark when the sky shined
I just need to be happy
All I need is just that one line
I better be somebody
I dont wanna die being nothing
Be the Greatest
Now I mma turn nothings into somethings
Yeah even butterflies be singing
One day you're gonna make it
Your lyrics gonna hit,
Real as always
You know I don't fake it
Convinction in eyes
And ready to bear the burden
Come join me
if you think you can take it

​

Rap music always interested me. I think I got introduced to it in 8th grade, listening to Eminem and then getting hooked to entire art form. I remember writing songs back then too, because all of a sudden it was popular and a lot of kids were showing interest for it too. 

Coming back to today, I thought why not give it a try again. So setting goal of releasing 50 decent songs by the end of next year, I am starting with this. 

Sitting in the toilet, holding The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck in one hand and scratching the mosquito bites with another(see, literally not giving a fuck to mosquitoes or the scenario I am writing here) when suddenly an idea pops into my head. You see, I have always been fascinated by the idea of death. I often think about the death of my closed ones, how that would affect me and how much loving I should be towards that person. No matter my anger or my bitter emotions towards them, they vaporise as soon as I think about it. The chapter I was reading was Mark talking about Death. He wanted to make a point that it's necessary to think about your own death to bring your life into perspective. These Self Help books tend to talk about these things to you. Stephen Covey in his 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, asks the reader to literally imagine the reader's funeral and picturize what his family, friends and people who knew him say about him. I instantly thought of that. My mind quietened down a little as I tried to do the same. I couldn't picture my own death. My legacy or any value I could ever leave in this world. But something else did come up. I imagined myself, sitting in a theatre, looking at myself on the big screen(yes, shitting, at that point). The events of the day rolled. How I have lived my past few days rolled. I wondered ,"Is this the kind of movie you like, Aastikya?" Days are the same. Nothing is changing. Have you ever seen those scenes in movies where the main character suddenly goes into Hyperlapse and everything is moving so fast around him that you can't fathom, but he is still, in expressions, while his body changes rapidly. A twenties something boy, just sitting and growing; wrinkles growing on his forehead, beard grows exponentially, then it turns white and he grows balder and balder. By the end of it all, his expressions still the same, his appearance changes so much that he looks like a meek old man, on his last breaths. That's how I imagined myself, yes, while still in the toilet. We Indians called it Shauchalaya, and jokingly say, it's a place where people think. Not incorrect apparently. 

What if you, just sitting or standing where you are right now, could imagine yourself the same way. Comfortably sitting, alone in a theater. A projector projecting the white light on the screen and your entire life flashes in front of you. Which events would you cherish? What regrets would you have? What stories would you have you created? Is this how you wanted it? Is this the movie you wished for yourself? Believe it or not, I have the script ready in my mind, consciously and mostly unconsciously and it's playing that way, for the good or for the bad. Call it what you may, Vision, Spiritual Pathway, The Divine Road, Luck, whatever, it plays out exactly how you believe it to be. 

Now, let me stop trying to sound like a smartass here, because I am not, and mostly because I am not sure what point I am trying to make in the entire post other than that, once in a while, you should imagine yourself as a movie and question if the movie is any good. 

Well, that's all for my musing right now. 

Until next time. 
Aastikya Tiwari